how is it that i always look so fucking ruthless and heartless. i continually fuck shit up and i dont even do it on purpose. maybe i do? maybe deep down i am the awful person that i know that i am.
i had been texting a band boy and sending some naughty photos. it was all fun and games. i learned that he was playing in raleigh with my other good friend and decided that i wanted to go see them play. i was talking to a mutual friend and he said that the band boy had asked for another girl to come down cause he wanted to see her. they had been texting as well. i was heartbroken and felt alittle used, but i mean honestly its a boy in a band. what should i expect? i decided i wanted to still go and have fun and not cause any drama or anything. i get there, this said boy doesn't even say hi to me, which hurt alittle bit. i started talking to the girls' best friend and we got on the subject of her friends relationship with the band boy. turns out he was both sending us naked photos of himself...THE SAME PHOTOS. so yeah, i was alittle grossed out. but when we were talking, she was texting her friend on the bus letting her know what i had said. i wasn't trying to start shit, or be mean, or cause drama. i need to keep telling myself this cause it's true and i need myself to believe it. band boy runs in and pulls my friend away telling him that i need to get the fuck out and that by the time they played i better be gone. when i was informed of this i started crying because i've never felt so mean and rude and heartless. and it wasn't even on purpose. i decided to leave because i felt incredibly unwanted and made to look like a horrible person.
now, for everyone else's benefit, i have decided to not be friends with anyone anymore cause obviously i'm a horrible person who causes drama and ruins peoples relationships. i'm so stupid. i hate myself so much. i cried all the way home. i feel so low i can't even explain.
peace out.
